A Therapist’s Gratitude for Monica Lewinsky

As “Impeachment: American Crime Story” retells the Clinton scandal, let’s appreciate how the activist became a model of post-traumatic resilience.

The show I’m glued to every week is Impeachment: American Crime Story. Ryan Murphy’s retelling of the Bill Clinton impeachment saga is just as intriguing as it was when I lived through it in the 90s, but for very different reasons. The political fallout was probably traumatizing for most everyone involved — most especially the survivors of the former president’s abuse of privilege — but as a mental health professional, I have come to appreciate the one who emerged most resiliently years later: Monica Lewinsky.

And while Lewinsky deeply values the series’ purpose — to her and to its viewers — it has been emotionally triggering for her to produce and to watch. Keep in mind, she was 22-years old when the political fallout of her consensual relationship with the charismatic president more than twenty years her senior — also marked by a huge power imbalance — began and she was subjected to public shaming, mockery, and betrayal. The old Scarlet Letter.

Let me repeat: she was 22. As we now know, thanks to longitudinal MRI studies, the brain isn’t done developing at that age. It’s still in adolescence. (Neuroscience aside, I don’t know any 22-year-old who wouldn’t have been flattered by the charming, popular President of the United States complimenting them.)

We don’t have to revisit the shame and trauma Lewinsky endured throughout her twenties and thirties because she’s spoken thoughtfully and openly about her experiences. But I do think she doesn’t get nearly enough credit in the public discourse for creating a model of resilience. So here are a few lessons Lewinsky has shown us all about post-traumatic growth:

Lesson 1: Lewinsky never claimed victimhood.

In interviews, she always owned up to her role, however uneven the power balance was. The most critical thing in not seeing oneself as a victim is to take ownership of your behavior.

Lesson 2: There’s no simple headline that can sum up any kind of trauma.

Lewinsky was a nuance advocate before media think pieces began examining her experience with any kind of sensitivity. It’s true that the mental health language around shame and trauma wasn’t really part of the national discourse back in the late 90s and early 00s, but Lewinsky’s story and how she told it hugely influenced our (improved) collective understanding of shame and trauma today. It’s helped normalize therapy.

Lesson 3: The support system matters.

Lewinsky’s parents and direct community are also due some credit here. As someone who works with adolescents and their parents, parents must be a support system for their teens. A key ingredient to resilience is the parents’ support system allowing for mistakes. You can say to your teenager or adolescent, “We expect you’re going to make mistakes and that’s okay. No questions asked, come to us.” Parents also think we can tell kids to do or not do something. Really, we can’t prevent kids from getting into trouble. Research has shown we human beings learn from our own emotional experience — not from other people’s mistakes. So Lewinsky’s powerful lesson for parents of teens is: they need a soft place to land to help them work through the shameful experience.

This way, they can begin the resilience work. The rest of their life doesn’t have to be defined by the shameful act, but rather positively inform their healing into becoming a functional person — and like Lewinsky, maybe eventually even laugh about it.

Lesson 4: Shame is one of the most powerful feelings but it doesn’t have to overpower you.

Lewinsky is living proof that a really negative experience can be harnessed into something positive and helpful. Through her activism, she helped change so many toxic and misogynistic tropes and conversations in the media and our communities. And by sharing that she watches the show with a therapist, it’s clear she knows working through trauma is an ongoing process, and that is one of the truest signs of resilience.